Hollywood Cliche

I'm living the Hollywood cliche -a waitress that longs to be a writer. When I was trying to decide what to name this blog, I thought about "From the Mind of your Lowly Waitress"-- not because I feel servers are "lowly" but because they can certainly be treated like they are. Another name I was going to call it was"Waiting for Life" because it would seem those that are serving are waiting for life to come and bite them in the ass. Many don't feel that waiting tables is "it." They started waiting tables while they: went back to school or decided what they really wanted to do with their life or while they waited for something better to come along. I understand. It's easy to get stuck, good money, cash in your pocket, not stuck behind a desk, there are alot of perks.

I know what it is to feel like, I'm "just a waitress" when people ask, "What do you do for a living?" I usually follow up with "But, my passion is writing and I'm working on a screenplay....etc...) What do we care what the guy next to us thinks about our job? Nothing is good or bad, it's only the labels and the way we've decided to perceive them. I recently had a good friend of mine get fired from the restaurant. It was a blessing in disguise as most things we think are "the worst thing that could happen" when it was acutally just what she needed. (It always is) She was not a happy server. She wanted out, but didn't have a shovel. She would've stayed there forever. This was the kick in the butt she needed - now she plans to go back to school and pursue her real dreams! I'm so excited for her.

Life- isn't it really all about perspective? Sure we are servers - but without us there would be no restaurants, without servers there would be no place for people to come and enjoy the long loved tradition of eating together and enjoying eachother. People have all sorts of jobs, auto mechanic, executive, gas station attendant, stay at home mothers, business owner. Why do some hold a higher prestige than others? I'm hear to bash the "I'm just a waitress" or "I'm just" anything at all, you are not your job. You are an amazing infinite being! You don't need to define yourself by a title. Yes, I'm a waitress. I'm also a wife, mother, sister, friend, Account Executive, a writer, a dreamer, a taxi driver, I'm not just one thing and I'm proud of all things. My grandmother retired from waitressing. She loved it and loves to share her stories of how she took care of her customers, her friends. Take pride in what you do, whatever it is you do, do it the best you can, You're not "just" anything, your YOU and that is enough. That is amazing!

Characters of the Day

As a server no two days are alike. Well I guess you could say the scenes are similar but with very different actors every time! It’s always interesting and a fun study on people.

Jokesters- love to tell jokes to their server…EVERY time you are in the general vicinity of their table. (Hey, you don’t know if whose payin, you gotta listen). Don’t get me wrong;I love a good joke as much as the next guy, but EVERY time I pass your table? With jokes like, “Did you hear? Me and my wife, we have a two-story house. Her story and mine.” I feel like it should be punctuated with Andrew Dice Clay’s famous “Oh!” I mean Really?! I bet your wife’s story is that she’s tired of your stupid jokes, too.

Picky – We have people that order -- eggs, bacon, fruit (but no green fruit), toast - each on their own little plate. And… “Please make sure you tell the chef to make my eggs soft. Extra soft but not runny and my potatoes cooked very well, very crispy, almost burnt, but not burnt, I like my toast toasted well, but not too well and only a smidgen of butter…etc”

Sequential eaters: they eat one thing at a time. I always imagine if these people are this particular, I bet they’re controlling. They want to control everything in their lives. They won’t eat with reckless abandon and enjoyment, everything, including eating, must be done in a special way.

Needy– their cup is still ¾ way full with soda, they tap their cup and they ask for a refill! I think it entertains them to watch work. You know the one’s they ask for ketchup when you drop it off, they ask for tabasco, when you drop that off they ask for more syrup and it goes on and on. Whew. (I’d like to thank these folks for givin me a workout so I don’t need to go to the gym. J)

Rude/Impatient- Immediately give their order without acknowledging you as a human being first. I don’t know why this bugs me, but it does. I’m not just your server, I am a person first. Say hello, then give me your order.

Meek – this one makes me laugh every time. When the woman won’t look or talk to the waitress. She does all her ordering through her significant other. When you ask “What kind of toast would you like?” He looks at her and repeats the question. She answers him , then he relays the answer. What’s up with that? This is a new age, honey, women have rights now, feel free to speak up!

Verbal Tippers—These are THE NICEST FOLKS (and cheapest)! You give them great service. Everybody is enjoying themselves and happy. As a server you feel good, this tab is at $70, you figure, I’m hopin for at least a $14 tip. (%20 says “Thanks so much, you did a great job!” Everything couldn’t go smoother. These folks are enjoying themselves, they want for nothing. They compliment you on a job well done and thank you for such great service – Now I’m feeling confident. They leave. I skip over to pick up their money and they left me $5! $5 on a $70 bill? (Remember people we have to declare about 10% of our tips and are taxed on them, this means that in the end we’ll have to pay to have given you service.) were they being sarcastic? – Don’t get me wrong here either, of course, I’m grateful for ANY Tip at all, but if your server gives you great service, a compliment is wonderful, always nice to hear, but tip her/or him, and tip them well, that is the best way to pay a compliment every time- the next time your there, the servers will fight over who gets lucky enough to have your table and you’ll get great service every time.

Then of course there's many more of those wonderful, fun, easy people that treat you like a friend instead of their server. They come to see you and are always friendly and respectful. These are the ones we wait tables for. These are the people that help us to enjoy our job. They keep it real.

Your server is a person too. We always have our favorites. I’m not trying to judge here, just making an observation. The same age old adage remains, “Treat others as you want to be treated.”

The Perfect Meal

I can tell alot about someone by what they order. In fact among servers, when speaking of a customer we don't use their names, rather what they usually order -- Some people simply should stay home and cook - you know who you are - you want your eggs poached for "three minutes" not a second longer, you want your potatoes "crisp but not too crispy", your bacon "medium, not too crispy, not too soft" Sheesh! This isn't the Three Little Bears and I don't have much patience for goldilocks!

For some there is just no pleasing. No matter what you bring, they will search, and always find something to complain about. We have a special complaint department for these kind of folks (A hand grenade with the number '1' on it). You can't please everyone, but we do try. The other day "Fred" came in - took his usual seat at the counter. An old boxer in his prime, now in his 80's, he has a big heart, rough exterior, and defined taste buds. He's also the same Fred that brought in a fart machine one day ( I concealed it in my apron and walked by other tables in the restaurant- the looks were hysterical! --Fred was giggling like a school boy! ) This is also the same Fred that I reserve the "Complaint Department grenade" for. Today he orders a waffle. Not too well done. With strawberries on top, "make sure they are good fresh ones, I don't want any crap strawberries." Who does? and water.

I serve him breakfast - do a quick check. Waffle looks good, berries pert and pretty. After a moment I come by to fill his water - I fill it too full. "I like my water to here," he says, showing me an invisible line 3/4 of the way on his glass. "No problem," I say as I pick up his glass and drink from it until it is down to his invisible line! I set the glass back down in front of him. "That should do it," I smile. He laughs hard! (as do those seated near him) He compliments me on a job well done. (Of course, I bring him a fresh water.) I guess today, Fred will skip his trip to the Complaint Department. Perhaps sometimes good laughs are even more important than the perfect meal.

Why I do what I do-

This blog isn't simply about waiting tables, it’s about people. From them, for them, about them. I’ve been a waitress for almost 20 years! (I guess you could say it's in my blood, my grandmother retired a waitress! ) I haven't always been a waitress, I've had what people call "real jobs," too: Executive Assistant, Event Planner, Sales reps, and others, but serving has always been my favorite job and since I'm a writer, it's the perfect cliche. Writing is my true love, my passion and always my goal. (As a mother of three busy children, this isn't always easy.) So thats what I've done here, combining my true love with my first love and this blog is their baby.

I’ve worked in several restaurants during different phases of my life. For me, it is the ideal job, good money, flexible hours, discounted meals, not being stuffed behind a desk, but most of all people, people, people! Lots and lots of different kinds of people.

I've landed in the perfect café, a family owned neighborhood café in a beach city in California. I see a lot of the same faces each day. Some, I'm happy to see. Others, not so much. Being in my early thirties, I struggled with the fact that I was waiting tables (again! ) I swore I never would and somehow I felt like I was taking a step backward. Then to top it off, my seven-year-old daughter declares to her teacher and anyone else who’d listen that her life’s dream is to be a….doctor? No. Nurse? No. Veterinarian? Uh-uh. That’s right…..“a waitress! Just like my Mommy!” Gulp. That’s right honey, shoot for the stars. I was honored, of course, but I was a little nervous too…“Well, Mommy is a writer, honey.” If I say it enough will it be true??

It took me a little while to realize that it was okay for my little girl to want to be a waitress; why not? If she had as much fun as I do! It paid well, it was never short on entertainment - It boils down to one thing: perspective, my perspective. See, for me, when someone slides into one of my booths, for that time they are there, I have the power (and what woman doesn’t love power) to make or break their day. It’s amazing what a smile can do for someone whose having a bad day or a pat on the back or tap on the shoulder with a friendly, “Hey, How are you?” For some, this may be the only time they are asked that day. You, their waitress, the only one that cares. And I do care. How fortunate for me that I can make a difference in their day. That makes me feel good. Knowing they will leave a little lighter in their step, and a little fuller in their bellies.

I realize that may sound ridiculous to some - I know alot of servers and have been served by the best and the worst of them -- many who would rather be doing anything but taking that next order (and boy don't you know it!). For me, it works and it seems to me that people across the counter or sitting in my booths, certainly appreciate my attitude. Most, give it right back. I am always surprised by how open strangers are to me. Or perhaps it’s that I’m the open book, sharing my own life experiences with any who would ask.

I’m curious. I’ve always been curious. I love learning about new things and naturally as a writer, I am truly fascinated by people’s own stories. Isn't it amazing to find out that the person you've been serving every Tuesday the same d---med thing, was once a body guard for the president, or is a consultant on the Iraqi war, or was once a beauty queen and now has a seat in the Senate? You'll find some of those stories here, some of the most intriguing people I’ve ever encountered. My faithful regular customers that I also consider my friends. They make my job a lot more fun and definately more interesting. I'll share with you my insights, insecurities, experiences and simple observations. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy living it!

As Mark Twain said, “There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside the dullest exterior, there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.”

An African proverb states that “when an old person dies, a whole library is lost.” Perhaps, I can save a library or two.

Until next time - be kind to your servers - they are people to.

- Flo